Wednesday, 1 October 2014
Today is the 1st October 2014 and when I awoke this morning it was pouring with rain. The grey sky matched my mood - dull and heavy with tears. Last night I lost my beloved dog. He was nearly 15 and had been my constant companion from the age of 8 weeks. Of course it was on the cards - but I wasn't ready to lose my gorgeous boy. The choice was not mine so today is a day of grief and coming to terms with my loss.
A few hours later - red-eyed and emotionally drained - I turn to the same spiritual tool that I have used many, many times when I needed something to help me accept and handle difficult times, the Tree of Life.
To those familiar with my youtube videos and Isis website will be aware of how I began studying the practical Qabalah and Tree of Life many years ago. I never set out to explore spiritual matters - I just wanted a bit of a hobby and thought Astrology might be interesting - and yet all these years later I can say, hand on heart, it is the only thing that throws light into the dark and doubting corners of my mind when life feels overwhelming.
Problems still need to be resolved and grief will always have to run its course but the ancient teachings never, ever fail to lift me. They bring a sense of peace and help take away feelings of futility.
It is because of how the Tree of Life consistently helps me that I had the idea of putting the practical Qabalah workbooks together. I wanted others to have the same opportunity as me to use this wonderful tool as a means of making sense of life and our purpose within it.
I was one of the lucky ones to have been taught by Jenni Shell at the Mystery (and Qabalistic) School of Maat. There were thousands of us, and I am sure they would agree that the time we spent studying was incredibly special. When Maat closed its doors and evolved into The Order of the White Lion I felt convinced that I had to do something to make these teachings available to a wider audience.
There is no point in studying any kind of spiritual doctrine unless it can be put to practical use, and the Qabalistic Tree of Life works for me.
This morning there are candles and incense burning and a meditation playing quietly in the background and I thought the proof is in the pudding. If I can take what I have learnt and put it into practice when I am feeling like this then it must be worth sharing.
The rain has long gone and the sun is shining and warm.
It is difficult to find anything positive about losing someone or something you love, but perhaps if I can point the way and help another person to find some comfort using this spiritual tool then it is a little bit of light shining through an otherwise dark day for me.